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Archive for the ‘Idle Musings’ Category

legal high

I am heading to bed.  I will try to sleep but I know I cannot.  Perhaps it is the high I am still feeling from running a 4 hour marathon and enjoying every moment of it.  Perhaps it is because we are now under #5 on the unofficial list.  It may even be the Reese Puff cereal I shamefully admit to be my current indulgence.

Will this be the last night I close my eyes and not wake to wonder about our little one?

I certainly hope so.

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Baby “stuff”

Since you all responded to my post so quickly I am going to post again, lest you do think I got kidnapped by a band of WI gypsies.  (I think our neighbor is one, he drinks Milwaukee’s Best)

In those comments, dear Jaybird asked if we have bought anything for the baby yet.  In short, YES!  Purchasing things for our BB has been a bit more difficult that one may imagine.  I think there are two reasons for this: (a) I almost have a panic and/or tear attack when I walk into Babies R’ Us and equivalent stores (b) What the heck do you buy for a child who you do not know their gender, age, or size?  We have been collecting books for while and have received some gracious gifts in that category from friends & family, including Jaybird & her Canadian.  Other than that, I have been to “a few” boutique baby stores and look at the slings, toys, and onesies, but I usually leave empty handed, about to cry, or with something benign and practical like a cloth diaper.   Who knew that Bunnyloves & Fuzzibuns could be so anticipated…..I am actually excited to buy diapers, but again I have no idea what my kid will “prefer,” so even my practical options are difficult to select.

So, back to The Purchase, but first a little history.  This past Christmas some friends wanted to buy us a jog stroller.  The “she” in the couple researched the options and saw how saturated and specialized this market was so instead they gave us a sizable GC to REI.  When our dividend came a few months ago, we threw it in the desk draw on top of the GC and sighed that some day we would be able to buy a jog stroller. “Ah, someday we will have a need for that purchase,” we commiserated.

Then, some of our friends, who are also expecting a baby through adoption about the same time we are, bought a jog stroller.  It was as if someone told us that now it is OK to start making purchases, so we too went ahead and placed our order for this gracious gift from our dear ad lady & law boy friends.  Then, I started looking at cribs, rugs, ergo/sling/carriers – and now I am planning the baby’s room; a loosely based lion theme inspired by this fabric.  I have not been back to the mega baby stores to see if my panic and tears have subsided, but I think this purchase may have been the perfect medicine.

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On a related note…….we had the strolled shipped to the REI near us and went to pick it up two weeks ago.  We bought the pouting poodle, stopped at Target, and then went to pick up our new patio chairs that came in.  Sitting in the parking lot of the furniture store we really had to problem solve to fit all of these items in or on our vehicle.  Fortunately we are both masters at tetris and bungeed the stroller to the top of the car, slid in two unassembled Adirondack chairs, a 75 pound poodle, 4 grocery bags and we even had room for a large takeout pizza.  Can you tell I am resisting the minivan?

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Perspective

Yesterday was the celebration of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  He is a truly amazing man who overcame tremendous obstacles and preached about the importance of inclusion and equality.  It is wonderful that a day is set aside for him in January, but even on that very day people fail to take the time to remember his message and look at how we can incorporate it further into our character.  Guilty as charged, I found myself sitting at my personal pity party late in the afternoon and perusing the Internet for his quotes.  I came across one that stuck more than an inspirational chord with me.

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

To better explain, yesterday was a day of pregnancy announcements.  I am for the most part genuinely happy to hear of others good fortune and even if my pain of infertility does rise up, I can usually quell it by thinking about the amazing process we are undergoing to add a child to our family.  I do have a difficult time though, when I congratulate another on their good fortune and then endure an earful of complaints about the symptoms, cost of raising a child, and coordination of leave.  It becomes very difficult to be happy for someone who has something you tried unsuccessfully and at great expense to achieve.

I left the conversation very angry and frustrated.  It was exacerbated when I was later included in a conversation of wedding anniversaries.  When I added that M. & I have been married for 6 going on 7 years and was hit with the “isn’t it about time you start popping out kids” response, my jaw dropped.  I had little strength left to rattle out a snarky rebuttal, or even kindly say that were are in fact expecting.  Rather, I sarcastically stated “you think so…” and excused myself from the conversation rather abruptly.  I then retreated to my office and threw myself a pity party.  It didn’t last long though, Dr. King’s words really spoke to me yesterday afternoon.

The past 4 1/2 years have been incredibly hard on me emotionally.  I have attended many person pity parties that have lasted for months.  I do not judge or regret my behavior – it the the natural and even healthy response to grief and loss.  Whether it is a divorce, change of job, move, or realization, I have visited many friends in Pityville.  Some stay there for a while, others visit, and some come back for a short weekend occasionally.  What I realized yesterday while reading Dr. King’s words is that he was much more wise than his brave and bold actions and well crafted speeches, he had a solid grasp on perspective.  On his day of commemoration, I can rise above my own personal pain and view the greater good.  In the next year, a very loved child will join our family.   We will rise above our personal loss and pain and they will come to us having done the same. Acoording to Dr. King, we are readly to start living.

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Can’t break it now.

So I have 2 days of NaBLoPoMo left.  I almost just blew it.  That would be like running a marathon and pulling out at mile 26 when there is just a downhill .2 left to go.

I had a great post planned for today, but that was before a bottle of Prosecco, a visit to the Russian Art museum, a bottle of Dogajalo, a fabulous dinner with dessert, all enjoyed with two of our dearest friends. So, “needlesstosay”, that will have to wait till tomorrow.

The post I had planned for today involved the few Amharic words I learned from a co-worker.  She was so excited to hear from another co-worker (both are Ethiopian) that we are adopting from their beautiful country.  This whole exchange happened in Amharic and I tried very hard to figure out what they were talking about but since the only word I can recognize is thank you, I had to be brought up to speed after the conversation, reaction, clarification, occurred.   All I can add is that I adore the Ethiopian culture and customs.  When I told my one co-worker that we were adopting a few months back she has embraced me with open arms, that was repeated with another co-worker today.  I am not saying all Ethiopian people are this way, of course, but generally I have felt only gratitude and pride in return for my news.

So, I managed to find some Amharic classes and can hopefully soon be participating in these conversations rather than being brought up to speed.  The classes are unfortunately offered on Friday nights and Saturday mornings, so I will have to give up a little fun in exchange for another kind.

Don’t even say it – I know it is on the tip of your tongue – I will not turn into a mother with this regiment as my preparation. (clarification – that is the loss of fun time on Friday & Saturday, not the copious amounts of alcohol I consumed this evening.  Although, if I have to choose…..)

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As I read the paper this morning, the following paragraph by an obviously very wise man struck me:

Specialist Goussev became a United States citizen this month. He said he understood what this American holiday meant. “Thanksgiving is to share with other people, and not expecting anything in return,” he said.

I hope you enjoyed a day of sharing.

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Thanks, Chuck.

Today M. & I had many errands to run after work for the upcoming holiday weekend.  We had one requirement, though.  Be home and eating dinner by 7 so we could watch Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving special.

These are some of the wonderful memories we have from our childhood & also the memories we look forward to sharing with our child.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday!

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Dear newbie,

Dear Newbie,

I need your help. I hear you are moving into the TV room. Mom & Dad keep telling me it will be your bedroom. They moved the TV out and no longer sit in there with me. Now they are telling me that my beloved couch has to go away to make room for a crib. I am not certain what a crib is, but I do not like it. If you tell them that you do not want a crib they will leave my couch there.

Tonight Grandpa B. said they need to have a doll around so I get used to a baby. Do they think I am stupid? I know the difference between you and a doll. I will have to teach you what stuffed animals you can play with and which ones are special. Do you have one that you sleep with every night? I have “lovey” – he is my stuffed golden retriever. I cannot wait for you to meet my stuffed friends. Mom has some toys for you already and I think she is knitting you a stuffed teddy bear. Don’t tell her I told you, I think it is your Christmas present for next year.

Please let me know if you can help me on the couch issue. Below is a picture of me and my couch – you can see how much I love it.

Can’t wait to lick you,

Matisse

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