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Archive for October, 2008

Evident Utensil

So, we got less than encouraging news today on the referral front.  It will still happen, but don’t count on it till the end of November.

Rather than be blue, I am focusing on the baby I do have.  Perhaps you can call it practice for those kiddo videos I will someday be able to post.

For now my kid is 4 legged and has excessive body hair.  I love him for it.  Obviously he has been a kid substitute.  For those of you not in the know, Matisse was a birthday gift after a horrible time in my life that included miscarriages and sadness.  Since day 1 he has brought us much joy.  Today I am grateful he can still make me smile like he did when he first joined our family.

Not into dogs dressed up in silly costumes?  Well, the song is worth listening to.
Matisse Montage

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Well, my zen feeling has left.

Ugh.  It won’t be this week, cross your fingers for next.

Think I could author a study relating alcohol consumption to increased wait times?  Seems pretty obvious, but there are some other stupid studies that get air time.  I could alter the topic a tad and see if there is a progression from soft alcohol to the hard stuff.

I am looking forward to Halloween tomorrow where I can STARE LONGINGLY at other peoples cute kids.  Matisse will certainly be euphoric when he is not the sole source of my affection because tomorrow he will alternate between Princess Leia, a devil, a moose & sporting a fancy mommy matching mullet wig I picked up at tar.get.  Anyone sense desperation?

I am pretty close to running this want ad in the paper:

Seeking Cute Ethiopian Child, infant or twins up to 12 months

Must be willing to wear homemade knit and sewn items, be kissed uncontrollably, and licked by a large standard poodle.  If you assume this role you will be doted on relentlessly and spoiled by your parents and a large community of family and friends.

Parents will gladly travel to pick you up and escort you home.

At this point the ad is starting to look like our best option.

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…but the call has not yet come.

We have been told as firmly as is possible without using the exact words that it will be before our 12 month mark.  That date is November 15th.

Considering that, we are less than 24 days away from being parents.

When my social worker said, in an attempt to console me, that our child is at the care center right now it hit me and I have stopped obsessing over every minute of every hour of every day.  It has already been determined.  Our child exists and is wait for us.

Now we wait for the paperwork to be completed and then for the phone to ring totell us the time is right.

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No news is..

not got good news.  For the record I hate this phrase.  It was said to me many times while I was searching for the fresh out of college job and impatiently waiting for the phone to ring while my bank account drained.  Someone attempted to utter this to me yesterday but the shot of death glance beamed from my retinas diverted their words into a mumbling (NO NEWS IS)..yeah, hum, got to be frustrating.

For the record, this phrase has never ended on the good news side of the fence for me.  I  tend to be a tad bit obsessive and intuitive.  My obsession has me willing my phone to ring and my intuition tells me to hold tight and wait for the next batch.

Batch?  Come on people it is not like we are talking about fresh chocolate chip cookies here???  This is my life, my future, my kid!  Someone is joining our family and altering all of our lives forever.  Why do referrals have to come in batches?  I can see the paperwork piled up and clipped together on someones desk.  In that stack many futures are laid out together waiting to be presented to loving families who are desperately waiting their announcement.

I think I need some chocolate chip cookies right now.

I have nothing else to say so I am back to staring at my phone.  Won’t you join me?

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legal high

I am heading to bed.  I will try to sleep but I know I cannot.  Perhaps it is the high I am still feeling from running a 4 hour marathon and enjoying every moment of it.  Perhaps it is because we are now under #5 on the unofficial list.  It may even be the Reese Puff cereal I shamefully admit to be my current indulgence.

Will this be the last night I close my eyes and not wake to wonder about our little one?

I certainly hope so.

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kind of sureal

We don’t have a referral, but I can substantially think we are days away.  There are children in the care center, referrals have started up again, and my specialist even confirmed that this movement is “very good.”  On the forum list we are now holding down spot 7-9 (we share the same date with 2 other families).  If the reports of 15 children being referred in this batch, we may be parents.  Regardless of if it comes Monday or next week, it is highly likely that our little one has made the transition from their first family to care center right now.

I wish there was a way to capture the excitement & anxiety this moment holds.  With birth you have the opportunity to possibly identify the gender of your child, you have a due date, their age is exact.  With adoption we know it will be a boy or girl, we have no idea when they will be referred nor when we will travel to get them, and their age can up to 12 months.

What we do know, though, is that after 5 years of waiting we are finally going to becomes parents.

I am fortunate to have the TC Marathon to distract me this weekend.  Although it would be AMAZING to have the specifics to ponder while I run the 26.2, I can be satisfied knowing it is possibly days away.

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